Such is Life

The Only Blog On The Internet Born Of Tabasco Sauce...

Monday, January 29

Sense of Adventure vs. Common Sense


Saturday, January 27

it DID hurt when i fell from heaven

Today I felt the most excruciating physical pain I have ever experienced. Ev-er.

I fell extremely hard this morning, and ended up with a gash straight to my white bone. I made it inside before the blood leaked out of my ripped pants and into the tub. It was nasty. It was my left knee, but I drove my stickshift from Pillager to Urgent Care because it was way too bloody. Being that I was in Pillager, I made a bandage out of little bandaids and masking tape. Sweet. Anyway, so I called my mom while driving home and left a message on the machine: "Hi Mom, it's Julie and I know you don't want me to call while I'm driving but I cut my knee pretty deep and I am coming home to clean it up." Five minutes later I called and left another message: "Hi again. Blood is dripping down my leg so I'm going straight to urgent care. I have my insurance card. And my cell." Five minutes later: "Yeah, urgent care is full so I'm at the emergency room and my leg is throbbing."

After waiting for an extremely long time, I got in, got gravel picked out of my knee, got seven freakin novocaine shots in the bloody wound, two x-rays, and six stitches. The doctor told me that she's never given that many shots to anyone before, and that I have knees as hard as a carpet layer (I would have laughed if I didn't hurt so much). The worst part is that all those novocaine shots DIDN'T DO ANYTHING and I felt the needle pierce, the needle pull through, and the needle come out the other side for each stitch. I've rarely cried as hard as I did during that. My mother was there (eventually), the woman hates blood, and she was horrified. "I thought you were going to die," she told me. Yes, we lost Julie to the incision on her kneecap. She never even had a chance.

I will definately be posting pictures of my knee. It is sick.

Monday, January 22

"Well, considering the fact that a kid threw up in it, I'd say the hot tub is definitely closed."

I just got back on Sunday after spending the weekend in Duluth. It was definitely an interesting trip.
We were supposed to leave directly from school on Thursday, but it turns out that my mom got in an accident with my uncle and totaled her car. So, after a slight delay, we dashed off to Duluth in the most stylish of vehicles, a white rental minivan. We ate dinner at Olive Garden, spent the night at a hotel, etc.
On Saturday my brother and I went skiing at Spirit Mountain, and while we were there a skiier- some guy in his twenties- lost control, crashed into a tree, and died. We figured he was dead when his body was still laying in the snow an hour or so after it happened. Really sad, and kind of weird to see him laying there.
I also saw Mick's sister at Spirit Mountain. Kind of strange.
Oh, and I spent Sunday morning listening to a lecture on head trauma. The Power Point was pretty graphic, too- people without jaws, faces, or brains. Or with steak knives in their ears. Or buck knives in their foreheads. Or...

Sunday night I also went to a "fun day" for Miss Nisswa contestants. Umm... yeah. Mrs. Minnesota 2001 taught us how to walk down the runway. Stay tuned for satire.

I had other amusing anecdotes (vocab!) to relate, but unfortunately one day of lang has wiped them from my memory. I'll let you know if I remember. Oh, and if anyone can help me finish the sentence, "I would be a great Miss Nisswa because...," please let me know.

Tuesday, January 9

My Dream

I should be doing psych bizness, but I had a really weird dream (I rarely dream) that I feel like posting instead.

The dream:

I was laying in this bed with a woman. Seriously, an adult woman wearing a sweater with black bears knitted on it was just laying there talking to me with her arm around me. I wanted to leave, but I couldn't because I was locked in this cabin with pine trees and chickadees painted on the walls. She kept asking me questions until suddenly there was a projection of a live ultrasound on the ceiling right above us. This baby was moving around and I was filled with panic. I looked over (she looked strikingly like Ms. Ogdahl!), and exclaimed, "Oh my gosh! Am I PREGNANT??" The lady smiled and said nonchalantly, "No, that's Ashley Hillstrom's baby."

Then I woke up at like 4:53, completely freaked out and hoping Ashley was somewhere in Nisswa without child.

Back to psych. I really should stop procrastinating.

Monday, January 8

"Hey Rubble D! Where my smokes at?!"

Good stuff lately (also known in D-town as A-1 Sauce):
  • human bowling. on ice.
  • chocolate cake.
  • ultimate spoons.
  • not lang.
  • "You can't do that-that doesn't work! Ciara spelled C-Y-A-R-A spells Ciara! Wait..."
  • this.
  • doing the Janice accent from Friends. ("Chandluh, you nevah cwall...")
  • convincing Linda and Amanda O. that we need to do a pie-in-the-face fundraiser like last year, only with the library ladies in the running.
  • late-night theology.
  • singing in a camp shower at the top of your lungs, with like ten other people (not in the same shower, you dirty birdie!)
  • bruised knees. (see "human bowling")
  • traveling broomball trophy.
  • AO when she first wakes up.
  • concussions. (see "human bowling")
  • egyptian rat race.
  • hearing a 40-year-old woman say, "jo'mamma"- complete with hand signs.
  • fish that survive a whole weekend without being fed.
  • Mr. Melby saying "buckage."

That's everything at the moment, I think.

Friday, January 5

Yesterday I had surgery. All four impacted wisdom teeth came out, and it was not good. You honestly would not imagine the swelling on my face. It's impressive and horrifying. I gained 50 pounds in one morning, or so it looks. I spent yesterday on my couch except when I was in the bathroom throwing up everything I ate/drank. Whoever says it's "not a big deal" is a dirty, dirty liar.

Today is a little better, and I'm on my painkillers now. I woke up yesterday after being put under sobbing. I was curled up in the corner of their bed just weeping for no real reason. I haven't cried that hard for a long time, but I had no idea what I was so sad about. This poor nurse named Julie was petting my leg and telling me I did a great job. I tried to talk, but choked on my gauze. It was rediculous. On the way home I got sick and jumped out of the car and laid in the ditch in the snow. My poor mother. I had no idea what I was doing.

While the two nurses gave me laughing gas, I learned that it is really Crying gas for me. My whole body just felt heavy and stiff and curled into itself while the tears just fell. She kept uncrossing my legs and pulling my arms out from under me. Me and modern medicine just don't work. Apparently I"m not the only one. I told Sra. Qualley that I would be gone for two days, and she told me this funny story about her and her wisdom teeth. The doctors had to come get her husband becuase Qualley under anesthesia becomes "combative." She was flailing and biting the doctor while screaming, "DON'T TAKE MY BABY!! DON'T TAKE MY BABY!!!"

All in all, I think I did fine.

Monday, January 1

"I have a moral question for you..."

It's been a pretty uneventful break for me. Well, maybe not. Depends on your opinion, I guess.
I've spent most of the week ripping up carpet while simultaneously listening to loud techno. Thursday night I went to Amy's (after much confusion) and we "watched" Mighty Ducks. I really do not understand the hype around that movie. Or any sports movie, for that matter. Some of them are good, like Remember The Titans, but others are just dumb. Same plot, same emotionally manipulating triumph music at the end.
Anyway, I also got to play junta darts at my church on Friday night. For the uninitiated, junta darts is a game in which you roll magazine pages into sharp, pointy cones (AKA killer darts) and blow them at people (in the dark) through pieces of PVC pipe. It sounds harmless, I know, but bear in mind that one kid got a junta through his cheek a couple years ago and on Friday my brother got one embedded about half an inch into his arm. It's the thrill of danger that makes it so fun, I think. We probably played for like 4 hours and it was hilariously fun. My church has a ridiculous number of nooks and crannies, not to mention a loft, from which you can snipe people. The best game we played was capture the flag with respawn, so you could get back in the game if you were shot. Pretty much all hell broke loose. Good times.
I spent New Year's Eve at my friend Abb-i's house, but I guess there's nothing really exciting to tell you about that. We watched a lot of movies, ate too much junk food and drank "bubbly." It was fun, though.
So that's Christmas Break. Did y'all have fun?