Such is Life

The Only Blog On The Internet Born Of Tabasco Sauce...

Tuesday, May 30

Fruit of the...Loom?

As I was indulging in an after-school snack today, I stumbled across a profound thought. Watermelon is the perfect analogy for life. It's completely unpredictable- there are no guarantees that when you bite down into that juicy pink flesh there's not a seed hidden inside to crunch your teeth on. Life=watermelon. Seeds=unpredictability/ the crunchy crap of life. Man, I'm good.

Friday, May 26

What's a Molecule?

That was one of the questions we got today. That and "My hands smell like shampoo!"
So today we went to teach the little elementary school kids about "science." Translate: we get to get our hands dirty and mess around while offering some half-hearted "scientific" explanation. Unfortunately the pudding and oreo "dirt" group went before us, so the kids showed up to our station with chocolate all over their faces and high expectations. Also unfortunately, apparently boats made of tinfoil can't compete with "dirt" and "worms." C'mon. Wouldn't you rather put a chunk of tinfoil in a bucket of water than eat chocolate? Darn kids these days.
I guess it was fun though. We had an interesting mix of kids and you could pretty well see how they would turn out when they get to high school. For example, the shy, silent kids on the edge of the group will probably turn out goth. The kids who never pay attention and sit staring out the window will later be diagnosed with ADD and probably become jocks. The loud ones that know all the answers will turn out to be honor students, and the ones that can't stop talking about their cat at home will probably end up as the "cool" kids. It's kind of sad that their fate is sealed at such a young age. Do you think it's possible for elementary school kids to break from the caste system/ popularity contest that so easily enslaves them? Maybe that means we're all slaves to society.

Monday, May 22

Tabasco or Tobacco?

I've been getting the two mixed up all day. Let me be the first to say that this is the most ridiculous bet I've been involved in so far. But I have some ideas for other bets/challenges/contests with excruciating consequences we can do over the summer, just to kill time:
  • The Camping-At-Wal-Mart Endurance Contest. Whoever stays out there the longest, wins. I think the challenge itself is enough punishment for the losers, but we could also make the losers layer on every piece of clothing in the plus-sized women's department, and then go around asking people, "Does this make me look fat?"
  • The Foreign Tourist Contest. Jules will probably be able to win this one because she looks Hispanic anyway, but we should have some sort of challenge where we need to dress up like tourists and speak with a foreign accent. We should probably do it in that center for cultural diversity around here, the mall. We'd at least freak out the pre-teens that are always hanging out there. Not sure what the consequences would be... although that situation is ripe for them.
  • Keeping in Touch With Your Beloved Teachers: Contestants have to call the teacher that most intimidated them this year/ Mr. Hewitt during the summer and sustain a ten-minute conversation. Losers have to do it again in a week, or call Mr. Lade and tell him you're the student whose name he can't remember.

That's all I have so far... but let me know if you can think of anything else. Jules, perhaps you would like to propose to a total stranger again?

Sunday, May 21

Panic! with Tabasco

"Not for the faint of palate! For well over a century, the ADVENTUROUS flavor of tabasco brand pepper sauce has fired up generations of THRILL SEEKERS." For $.99 each, Beth, Rache, and I have indeed fired up the thrill-seeking sides of our personalities with a hot dare. A contemplative dinner at Poncho and Lefty's inspired an idea to spice up our remaining school days (and school lunches!) with a little friendly competition. We hopped in my car (and after a fast and furious trip to cub foods), and each purchased a bottle of tabasco sauce. After careful photo documentation and agreement on guidelines (as listed below), plus a cowboy hat, we have begun our feat. The goal is to consume the entire bottle first. The reward? the winner gets to set up the other two with blind dates. yes, it's true. Crazy and random and inexpensive...and I can't even wait.

RULES OF THE EXTREME TABASCO DARE: (as decided in the car):
1. ONLY participant may consume the sauce; she must not share or leave any leftover on a plate/utensil/etc.
2. No backing out or quitting (ok, I admit, I made up that rule).
3. The winner must choose, um, shall we say "appropriate" dates for the losers.
4. The losers must drive themselves to the dates, pay for themselves, and the date cannot extend past 2 hours.
5. Under NO circumstances can the identity of the mystery man be revealed.
6. No follow-up dates--this is a one-time "opportunity."

I'm sure you'll hear more about this...